so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up