Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.