I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza