Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone π
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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