You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This house was built for laser tag.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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