I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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