I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Congratulations! We have a period
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
