He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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