i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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