and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize