she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
