It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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