We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
