Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
there is puke in my bra ... again
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