i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.