i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
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Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.