Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.