as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?