It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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