if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
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I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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