after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
