he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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