Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
