Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
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i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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