Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
