bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can I color on your dick again?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.