you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....