I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.