I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon