I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.