I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts