im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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