its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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