can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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