I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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