Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
