The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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