dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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