Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.