i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if only i could text you this smell
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
