just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
