There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize