I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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