We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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