The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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