I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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