Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
