Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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