"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
