Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
