So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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