i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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