Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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