Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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