guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
