Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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