I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
