I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
