i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Four minutes until I can fart!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
