oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
did you just send me my own nude
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
