I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
